I haven't written in a long time. I just haven't felt like it. I can't remember the last time I've felt like writing anything. Not a good place to be. This must be what Samson felt like when he got that haircut.
Work has been extremely busy. Nothing new there. I feel like I'm reacting, rather than in control. Haven't ridden my bike in two weeks. I can't remember the last time I worked out. I feel like wallpaper at the high school prom. Even I have to admit that for once, I have crossed the line between healthy and unhealthy work/life balance. My e-mail inbox is almost over a thousand, now, and my voicemail box is backed up. It's all just a bit too much.
When I leave for Spain next week, I will be escaping. I don't even know where I'm going yet. Toni and Erin have planned it all out. I'm just going to throw a toothbrush in my bag and leave. Maybe somewhere over there I will figure it all out, hear the sirens calling, something like that. Sometimes you just survive and hang on, and then some epiphany strikes. It's not the most glamorous way to live. I'm quite Clark Kent right now.
But when you don't feel like writing, that's when you should, because it's a job. I should take my own advice.
Let's see...
I think two friends of mine started dating this past month, fell in love, and got engaged. It can happen...happiness can just overtake you like a fever. Wow. Unbelievable. Hope. That's the eighth engagement I've heard of this year, all people I know. Some have taken only a month, and one was 10 years in the making. At some point you have to stop and think, am I missing something here?
I was thinking just now, I always get misty-eyed in that one segment of the Oscars where they show all the folks in showbiz that died that past year.
When I was young, I used to always want to stay up past bedtime to watch movies when they were shown on network TV on weeknights. It could be a movie I'd seen many times before. A movie I had on video that I hadn't cared to watch in ages. But put it on TV and suddenly it became irresistible. It had to do with the sense that all these other people around the world were watching it as well. This desire to be part of the global community of voyeurs. Not very healthy. But I don't have that feeling anymore because there are so many channels you don't really feel that anything is really must-see anymore. The Oscars are an exception. But with cable, satellite, the's harder to feel like one is part of a larger community. Maybe it explains some of this isolation I feel.
Rachael took me to see Baraka at the Seattle Int'l Film Festival the other day. It was very very good. One of those times you enter the theater without very high expectations and come out blown away. No narrative either, just an essay of pictures and music in 70mm. Rachael is about the only person other than my office mate and my roommate I've seen on a consistent basis this past month. I'm a wraith.
I watched two Kiyoshi Kurosawa films at the film fest, and both starred Koji Yakusho, who I'd only seen in Shall We Dance before. I guess he's a big star in Japan. He's everywhere.
My dad is thinking of perhaps taking one of the early retirement packages from Lucent. He asked me what I thought, and it was strange. I was somewhat jealous that he even had the option.
Played my first softball game yesterday. I'm on a team that's already played five games, and I may only make one game all year. Sang stuck me at third base, the hot corner. I hate playing third on that crappy infield on Mercer Island. You never get a true hop and huge lunky guys are hitting lasers at you all night. So of course, some hot one-hopper takes a nasty bounce and hits me in the face, on my nose and upper lip. I have a nice red mark on my upper lip and a big cut in my mouth, but mostly I'm sore. There goes my stage face.
Living ugly...