Day with Jose

Unfortunately, I'm above the 17 year old age limit for this $2500 offer to spend a day at Jose Canseco's house.
Jose is so unintentionally hilarious that I'd love to cobble together the funds to send someone like Bill Simmons posing as a 17 year old to visit the Canseco mansion.
"Jose, so you nailed Madonna. What was like that? You could kick Guy Ritchie's ass, couldn't you? Do you want to?"
"Did you really use jet fuel in your Lamborghini? Does that work? Could I take it for a spin?"
"Dude, who's juicing in baseball. C'mon, just tell me."
"Did you just feel like the biggest idiot when that ball bounced off of your head and over the wall for a home run."
"You still look pretty built. Still hittin' the roids?"
Seriously, what could he offer in a day at his house that would be worth $2500? I'm really curious to see a sample itinerary or something.