Big butt, big gut, c'est moi

I got fat over the holidays. Too much sitting around, hiding inside from the Midwest winters, and too many good meals.
My greatest fear in life is having to move up in waist size from my current 31. That would send me into alcoholism, no doubt. Of course, there's a financial incentive in place--pants are expensive. This is why everyone resolves to lose weight at the start of the year--we all get fat at home.

And now, a word from our sponsor

You may wonder why I'm always plugging various products in my blog. It's because my information processing neurocircuits have been hopefully hijacked by television. Those product plugs are actually advertisements that subsidize my regular, more personal posts. In fact, just as television ads are louder than actual programs, I should put those product plugs in a huge, bold font.

This post brought to you by BMW, the ultimate driving machine.

Or perhaps I should move to a subscription-based model, like HBO, with commercial free posts.

Follow the link

I saw a link in Slashdot today to this thread on Straight Dope which imagines what The Lord of the Rings would've been like had it been written by other literary luminaries.
Cutest was this excerpt from The Fellowship of the Ring as written by Dr. Seuss:
"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!"
"I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance, but I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."
In a recent issue of The New Yorker, Louis Menand (who won the Pulitzer Prize for history last year for his book The Metaphysical Club: A Story of Ideas in America) wrote an article on Dr. Seuss and his Cat in the Hat stories. I never realized there were such depths in those children's stories. One of my favorite SNL skits had Jesse Jackson actually appear on Weekend Update to read Green Eggs and Ham.
Speaking of Louis Menand, there's a review of his recent essay collection American Studies in this week's The New Republic. That book's on my wishlist.