The good, the bad, the ugly, the surreal

The good...

...Ben Gordon scored 22 points in the fourth quarter to lead the Bulls to a win over Charlotte. I love Ben Gordon. So few players have as broad an arsenal of moves on offense, and that jump shot of his carves beautiful, high arcs through the air. In the fourth quarter, the Bulls offense is to give it to Ben and get out of the way. I'm thankful the Bulls are decent again. I know we had Jordan and the six championships, but the team has been truly awful for a long time until this year.

...With out of commission and John Hollinger moved on to ESPN Insider, is the new website mecca for analytically-inclined basketball fans.

The bad...

...Bucknell, which upset Kansas in the NCAA Tournament, had to borrow Northern Iowa's prep band for that game because its own band was on spring break

It borrowed Oklahoma State's band, and many of its fans, for its second game, training them in Bucknell cheers. That's rough when even your band doesn't think you'll win and decides to stay home.

The ugly...

...Phat Phree selects its NBA All-Ugly team

Some of the dubious winners:

  • Sam Cassell: "Everything that can go wrong with a human face, aside from gigantic warts, goes wrong with Cassell's."

  • Popeye Jones: "But I see this picture, and quite frankly, it's hard to believe he isn't somehow mentally impaired in some way."

  • Gheorge Muresan: "Inch-for-inch the ugliest man on this team, that team, any team."

  • Larry Bird: "Larry Joe Bird, in addition to being an All-Ugly performer, also owns the distinction of being the ugliest man on the ugliest team in NBA history, the 1985-86 Boston Celtics."

  • Patrick Ewing: "Ewing's jaw... there hasn't been one of its like in the human race in 60- shoot, 70,000 years. If Ewing was to pass on, and you got a hold of his skeletal jaw and buried it in the Olduvai Gorge, the archeologist who dug it up might announce that he had found a speciman that was almost certainly Homo Erectus, though remarkably well-preserved."

The surreal...

...Jose Canseco will be on the next season of the Surreal Life

Fellow cast members will include Bronson Pinchot, former Apprentice contestant Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, and Caprice. Remember, last season spawned its own spinoff called Strange Love in which Flavor Flav wooed Brigitte Nielsen, prompting a public denunciation of Flav's behavior by his Public Enemy brother Chuck D.

...Okay, I'm really late on this one, but SpongeBob SquarePants might be gay?

Conservatives note that SpongeBob is an icon in the gay community, "perhaps because he holds hands with his pink sidekick, Patrick Starfish." So that's what Robin Williams was joking about at the Oscars. I've really missed out on this whole SpongeBob thing. I've never seen it and have no idea what it's all about. I'm old.