Seattle neighborhoods

When I first moved to Seattle to work at, I received an orientation packet which contained a humorous overview of all the Seattle neighborhoods. While packing today, I came across it and flipped through it. I'm not sure who wrote it, but here are some of the descriptions:
  • Madison Park: Blue-blood. The place for you if you drive a BMW or Mercedes, are named Buffy, or Buf, and wear pastel plaid. Martha Stewart devotees move here. Honestly: A beautiful part of town, but don't expect a mixed cultural experience here.
  • Belltown: Used to be the art section of town, now it is run over by mid/late 30-somethings with too much disposable income. Good restaurants so at least you won't go hungry. Awesome bus routes to work. Invest in pepper spray futures.
  • Montlake Cut: Established. You had better garden, or have a gardener. Built on a mud flat, so the neighborhodo lullaby is the sound of basement pumps.
  • Phinney Ridge: Your basic neighborhood. The Zoo is there. Families have been seen there (that is the neighborhood, not the zoo). Quiet, good views. No bullshit.
  • Wallingford/Fremont: Daily sightings of Jerry Garcia. Irreverent, putting on a hip attitude. Debate over the coolest thing is split between the statue of Stalin [Note: it's actually Lenin], the 30-foot tall troll, and the god-knows-how-man feet rocket. More junk stores than you can count. The best margaritas in town. Every store in the central corridor has a dog.
  • Capitol Hill: If it ain't pierced or tattooed it ain't allowed. God knows why they let me live there (maybe it's the fact that I used to have 1" long red, or orange hair) [Note: hmm, a clue as to the writer's identity, though that described lots of early Amazonians]. Philosophically, the gay pride parade begins and ends here. The best coffee in town (no joke).
  • Laurelhurt: Bill Gates' home town. You get charged for each time you breathe. Most common operation is a nose job, to ensure that they can look down their nose.
  • Mt. Baker: Not for the politically incorrect, diplomats only allowed. One of the few culturally mixed parts of town. Good, beautiful walks, dogs galore.
  • Greenlake: Everyone owns a bike, everyone rollerblades. Everyone met their spouse when walking around the lake. The path around the lake is currently being renovated, from two lanes to three. One for bikes, the second for walkers, and the third for people to talk about their relationships.
  • West Seattle: Crusty, old, California wanna-be types. They commonly mistake their mold for a tan.
  • Ballard: (With a Swedish accent) Ya sure ya'betcha. Stockholm was my home town. I have a boat. I love to fish. I eat many fish. Daily sightings of Leif Erikson.
  • Mercer Island: Good schools. Must own large, expensive yacht. Average taxes paid per household greater than third world country budgets.
  • Magnolia: Just slid into the sound (so much rain this year). The only reason I have ever heard of anyone ever going there was to buy expensive Italian silver. Good estate sales
  • U-District: Fast food joints galore. Joints galore. College students pretending to be homeless. Many homeless. Dreads seem to be the most popular hairstyle.
  • Queen Anne: Primary Thursday night activity is going to Larry's (a grocery store) to pick up a date. Post-college bar and coffee-shop scene. Highest Saab per capita in Seattle. Western slope is family oriented and completely ignores the eastern slope. DM zone is Queen Anne Ave.
  • Downtown: New York style rents, but you will get 201 sq. feet so things are not bad. Tons of new condos going up which leak in the rain and wil be renovated starting this spring. Most popular activity is checking out the weekly pun on the Marquee of the Lusty Lady. Amazing Bombay Sapphire Martinis, if you are into that sort of thing.
  • Pioneer Square: few females will go there alone at night. Bar scene. Band scene. Most popular rape scene.
Some of those no longer hold true, but most do.
Do I ever loathe packing. It's mind-numbing, soul-sapping. The landlord chose today of all days to send over several dozen workers to strip out the insulation in the attic, so it was snowing fiberglass all day. I probably contracted asbestos. I'm in a surly mood, especially since many Craig's List buyers are complete flakes and never show up when they say they will.
Also because I've been on the phone half the day with customer service reps, waiting to update my mailing address. Worst hold time? AT&T Wireless. Friendliest rep? The lady from Geico, who said "all righty then" 14 times.