Review: Ocean's Twelve

Christina's group at Microsoft hosted a company morale event this morning. Those with corporate experience recognize that as renting out a movie theater and paying for the popcorn and admissions. The twist in this case was that they actually rented a multiplex, so we had our pick of movies playing there. We all opted, of course, for Ocean's Twelve.
The tagline is that "twelve is the new eleven," but you get the feeling that no one wanted to make the new eleven. After all, the heist film is its own Hollywood genre, and Soderbergh and company checked that off their list last time. How to bring something fresh to the oeuvre, keep Warner Bros happy, and get the studio to foot the bill while the stars hang out at Clooney's villa at Lake Como? That's a master caper in and of itself.
Ocean's Twelve is a post-modern heist movie. What it isn't interested in is presenting another of those airtight heists that stands up under a fastidious audience, scrutinizing every frame for implausibilities. Right from the start, Soderbergh makes this clear. Terry Benedict finds Tess (Julia Roberts) and then proceeds to visit every member of Ocean's 11, all over the world. Apparently none of them were considerate enough to call each other to warn each other that Benedict is coming, but it allows Andy Garcia the opportunity to drop in on each of them unawares and for us to see their reactions.
One of the most endearing elements of Ocean's 11 was how it embraced its star power and used it unabashedly. George Clooney is a charming movie star, and he essentially plays one on screen (okay, he's a thief, but he's a thief that looks and speaks and acts like George Clooney). We didn't want Cary Grant to play a cowboy, we wanted him to play Cary Grant, and we don't want George Clooney in a batsuit, we want to see his face. Brad Pitt in designer suits? Casey Affleck playing...okay, he's Casey Affleck, as usual. The whole time I was watching Ocean's 11, I couldn't stop thinking of how much fun all those actors had working on the movie together.
Ocean's Twelve just blurs that line between actor and role even further, and in one amusing plot twist, nearly erases it altogether. Clooney and Pitt still finish each other's lines and speak in hip, and everyone looks good in their wardrobes. The movie winks at us in offering a gang of thieves that looks like this, but we're winking back: do you want your policemen to look like Paul Giamatti or Catherine Zeta Jones? Is that a mug shot of George Clooney?
Clooney accuses another character of violating Rule No. 1, and this movie seems to violate Rule No. 1 of heist movies, which is to show everything on screen. You can try and outwit the movie using onscreen clues, but don't waste your time. Just enjoy the company, admire the clothing, and take in the European scenery. Ocean's Twelve is an expensive, star-studded indie film. It may not be what heist aficionados expected, but I bet the poker nights at Clooney's place in Lake Como were a hell of a lot more fun than your regular Sunday night game. In fact, if they have footage of some of those (I saw someone in the movie running around with a Canon XL1 or XL2, documenting proceedings), they could issue that as Ocean's Thirteen.

Klein, Cartier-Bresson, Rutgers, and Macchio

I went New York holiday sightseeing Saturday with a friend. We went by Rockefeller to purchase a Christmas ornament at the Swarovski booth. I could have sworn the Christmas tree at Rockefeller was much taller in years past. Perhaps I've just grown taller?
Our next stop was the Met. One of the exhibits we visited was the compact photography exhibit "Few Are Chosen: Street Photography and the Book, 1936-1966". It's not a large collection, but it contains work from my favorite photographer, William Klein, and a few of my other favorites, Henri Cartier-Bresson and Robert Frank. They had old, old copies of the books Life is good & good for you by Klein and The Americans by Frank behind glass cases, but not a copy of Cartier-Bresson's The Decisive Moment, an out-of-print book I'd love to own. The image to the left is perhaps Cartier-Bresson's most famous, "Behind Saint-Lazare station, Paris, France, 1932."
After a Xmas-tree ornament-hanging party Saturday night, James and Angela took me to Blue 9 Burger in the East Village. Good burger, often referred to as the NYC equivalent of In & Out, but not quite that good. A burger with a bit of grease or fat? That's okay, much better than a dried out patty. I always feel guilty eating burgers with Angela because she orders them without the meat; it's the anti-Atkins burger. I'm not sure what you call that. The man behind the counter said, "Oh, you want grilled cheese."
Sunday, I took the train out to New Jersey to meet up with Scott and Ruby and their golfing buddies for a round at the Rutgers course. We lucked out with a sunny day after the previous day had nearly brought snow. I haven't golfed since the end of September, which just means that I hadn't grooved my already ugly stroke. The first nine holes, I felt like a beginner to the game. I could barely remember how to grip my clubs, and I shot a 55, one of my ugliest nine holes in years. Then I shot a 39 on the back nine, maybe my lowest nine hole score ever (from holes 10-18 I went triple bogey, par, par, par, par, par, bogey, bogey, birdie) and actually had a ten or eleven foot putt for eagle on the 18th, a par five I reached in two. What a schizophrenic round.
It was my first round of golf since moving to NYC, and I now have a sense for what's involved: a long train ride out of Manhattan, with clubs in tow. Not the easiest thing in the world, but doable. I need to get in my rounds with Rob before he becomes a father (of twins, no less!). I know enough new parents to know what that means for one's free time.
Yesterday night, I went with friends to see It's Karate Kid! The Musical. With tickets costing $15 and set in Teatro La Tea in a community center on a somewhat sketchy street on the lower East side, I was fairly certain as I walked in that I wouldn't be seeing Sarah Brightman as Ali. And yes, at least a third of the audience were friends of the cast. This buyer be warned.
Now, Karate Kid is a movie that could be adapted almost straight up and serve as a comedy. It's a much-adored cult classic (at last check, a new first print of the DVD was selling for $99.99 on Amazon). I even remember seeing it in theaters with Tim Rush and his parents back when parents had to take my friends and I out to see movies. But this adaptation chose to dial the spoof up to 11. Almost every character in the musical was gay except Ali and Mrs. Larusso, who was bisexual. Picture Mr. Miyagi as a black drag queen, and his magic hand-rubbing-chiropractic-magic-move administered while seated on the back of a moaning Daniel Larusso and you'll have a good sense of what type of play this was. Don't bring your child if you don't want to be answering "What does [insert sexual obscenity] mean?" all night. The entire show is built on a conceit that doesn't hold up from start to finish (and I never picked up on any latent homosexual overtones in the movie; Top Gun, sure, but Karate Kid seemed fairly asexual to me), and the dance moves and music don't even attempt to aspire to Balanchine or Gilbert and Sullivan. The dialogue and lyrics were often difficult to make out as speakers fired the songs out in all directions in a somewhat echoey room. But the show has its moments. My personal favorite was "Miyagi's Lament," a rap tune that I'd love to get on tape.
The funniest moment, though, came when Scott told us at intermission that the actor playing Johnny Lawrence was the same guy that Scott had just beaten up at a restaurant a short while ago. Supposedly this guy and his friend were being extremely rude to Scott and his date, and so Scott had gone out to the sidewalk and chucked this guy into a car. In Scott's version of the story, the actor was the big guy, and his friend was a short bald guy.
After the second act of the show, Scott was certain this was the guy. So I looked up his bio in the program, and it turns out that this actor had most recently directed and starred in several Saturday cartoons for Fox, the Kids WB, and PBS, and was gay. When I'd first heard the story of Scott's altercation I was picturing the big guy as Vin Diesel, and it turns out he was a gay drama student. I'm going to blame the lighting--trendy New York restaurants are dark, so dark you can't tell if you're drinking red wine or tap water, beating up a bouncer, or one of the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Fab Five.

Sprinkles

Eliot Spitzer to run for governor of New York
Another article about how streets are safe the more you remove signs and lights and other traffic engineering debris. It forces drivers and pedestrians and all who use the road to make eye contact and watch out for each other. I first mentioned this topic before after reading an article in Salon on the same issue. I liked this passage from this latest article:
"To my mind, there is one crucial test of a design such as this," Monderman says. "Here, I will show you."
With that, Monderman tucks his hands behind his back and begins to walk into the square - backward - straight into traffic, without being able to see oncoming vehicles. A stream of motorists, bicyclists, and pedestrians ease around him, instinctively yielding to a man with the courage of his convictions.
The article also offers six suggestions for how to build a better intersection:
1. Remove signs: The architecture of the road - not signs and signals - dictates traffic flow.
2. Install art: The height of the fountain indicates how congested the intersection is.
3. Share the spotlight: Lights illuminate not only the roadbed, but also the pedestrian areas.
4. Do it in the road: Cafés extend to the edge of the street, further emphasizing the idea of shared space.
5. See eye to eye: Right-of-way is negotiated by human interaction, rather than commonly ignored signs.
6. Eliminate curbs: Instead of a raised curb, sidewalks are denoted by texture and color.
I forwarded Derek the article since he first introduced a lot of these concepts to me. He noted that these progressive techniques would probably take years to make it to the States, if ever. No engineers and their lawyers would risk trying something like that in the U.S.; we're far too litigious a society. It's a shame.
Ricky Williams is attending college in a town called Grass Valley. I'm not making this up.
Chappelle's Show - Season 2 on DVD comes out Feb 8, 2005. Already an instant comedy classic.

And she has the same name as Trump's ex-wife, too

I haven't kept up with The Apprentice much this year, having only seen half an episode until Thanksgiving, and I'd nearly forgotten that shows simple pleasures. You would have thought they'd have candidates of a higher caliber this year, but then over Thanksgiving we got to see the beautiful sight of Andy slipping some designers a few $100 bills as a so-called "cash incentive" a la a grateful Charlie Sheen at a strip joint. And then this past week, Ivana stripped down to her underwear for $20 to sell candy bars, and still lost to her opponents Jen and Sandy, who dressed up as "M&M girls" (Mars had to be thrilled to discover their mascot was a pair of girls dressed as cheap hookers). Jen and Sandy's reward for winning was to fly to Chicago and meet Bill Rancic, whom they had to pretend to be thrilled to meet. Bill apparently is a business mogul now--upon greeting the pair, he quickly dispensed with informalities and said, "Let's not waste any time. Should we go strategize? That's what I love to do." In his leather chair, he doled out bits of Apprentice wisdom: "You have to make your own case in the boardroom." "Work hard, do whatever it takes." Actually I'm making all of this up, I can't remember anything he said it was so vapid.
Carolyn is still awesome ("This person is going to run one of your companies. Would you hire a stripper?" she hissed in the boardroom), but one day I'd love for her to just turn to Trump and just chew him out in the boardroom for even considering hiring any of these young fools to run any of his companies. I don't know much about the remaining candidates, but I don't really care for any of them, which I suppose is okay. The stars are Trump and Carolyn, and to a lesser extent senile George, who's quite possibly senile, and however solid the candidates, the editors of the show will frame them at their worst. Reality television producers are like funhouse mirrors--you could be Mother Teresa and they'd find footage of you badmouthing a leper.
Now that I live in NYC, I see Apprentice contestants everywhere. A few weeks back Kate was up visiting and we saw some short girl in the midst of a glamor photo shoot in Central Park. Kate and her old NYC roommate recognized her as this year's Stacy. Nick from season one was one of the first people I saw when I was apartment-hunting. Raj is apparently dating Jen C., who lives in Rahul's building. I guess things never worked out between Raj and Robin, the boardroom receptionist.
Who has set women back more, the formerly successful business women who dress up like sluts to prove their business skills on The Apprentice, or the ladies on Desperate Housewives? I finally caught an episode of the latter, Tivo'd from this past Sunday, to see what the hubbub was all about. Not only was the episode boring, but I didn't find a sympathetic character in the entire show. This is what housewives are like? What community do they live in?
I'd heard about the one who's sleeping with her teenage gardener (Eva Longoria). In the episode preview, apparently she and the gardener were caught planting produce together by her mother-in-law, who then ran into the street and got run over by a car. This episode she tried to feign sympathy while her mother-in-law lay in a coma (I've never met anyone in real life who was in a coma, but TV and movies give me the impression that they occur with great regularity), and she had a fit when she heard her lover confessed to a priest, who she subsequently spoke with to confirm the solidity of vows of secrecy.
The boy who ran over the old lady? Her mother helped him cover up the crime by leaving the car in question unlocked in a seedy neighborhood until someone jacked it (an idiotic plan with more holes than the plot cares to resolve), only to discover that her son was an unrepentant devil.
Another mother (Felicity Huffman of the more flattering Sports Night) couldn't stand trying to raise her four young kids and became addicted to their ADD medicine. At episode's end she just left them and drove off.
I'm guessing Teri Hatcher is a divorced housewife raising her daughter alone. She's trying to seduce some guy in her neighborhood. She convinces him to take her to a hotel overnight, a plan she discusses with her daughter; open communications with your kids are the key to a healthy mother-daughter relationship (her daughter even helps her pick out a seductive outfit, telling her, "It's been years since someone's seen you naked, mom." Wow, do families really speak like this in the burbs today? That's more shocking to me than the Monday Night Football skit). She discovers that this guy has wads of cash and a gun in his kitchen cabinets, so she sneaks into his house to check it out, whereupon she falls through his bathroom floor a la Tom Hanks in The Money Pit. The guy won't tell her what the money and gun are for, and they seem ready to break off their courtship, until he comes by and offers to answer any questions she might have. Apparently that's enough for her as she then jumps into his arms and they make love against the wall, as people do in the movies.
There are two other women, one played by Nicollette Sheridan, another by an older lady, who are or were living together. They steal things from each other. The older lady gets killed at the end for having blackmailed another woman in her neighborhood.
It's possible, but extremely difficult, to maintain interest in a fictional television show where none of the characters are likable. Reality television is different; there's some wonderful schadenfreude to be had from seeing our fellow man degrade themselves in the pursuit of success. I guess the most sympathetic character I saw on the show was the gardener. After all, Eva Longoria is pretty hot. Besides that, the rest of the characters present unflattering portraits of suburban housewives, and that's a shame, because I've met plenty this past year while traveling from one friend's sofa to another as a houseguest, and all of them were good people.
And I was disappointed that Terrell Owens didn't appear. Didn't I hear he was on this show? If he comes back, maybe I'd watch.

Link fondue

In this week's New Yorker, Malcolm Gladwell writes on the danger of relying too much on modern visualization technology, especially mammography. I was intrigued to learn that the U.S. Air Force made zero definite Scud kills in the first Gulf War, despite spending million of dollars on a device called the LANTIRN navigation and targeting pod.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration now provides the National Digital Forecast Database weather information in XML format, for free.
The hot new getaway--Libya.
According to PNC Bank, over the twelve days of Christmas, the goods and services given to you by your true love were probably purchased offline, not over the Internet, and those 12 drummers drumming might have come from India.
A Kosher credit card that won't work on the Sabbath. I wonder, do you have to be Jewish to apply, or can gentiles play, as with JDate.
Netflix Friends, a service by which Netflix members can recommend movies directly to each other, is getting some blog-play. So frustrating that so many sites have developed all sorts of recommendation services, yet none of them connect. I've rated hundreds of movies on Netflix, Amazon, IMDb, here on my website, but none of those connect. Someday, we'll have a standardized way to represent our opinions on movies in XML, and all these networks will link up via web services, and I'll actually have interest in signing up to use all these new services.
BTW, though I've grown disillusioned with numerical ratings for movies, I do enjoy looking at the demographic breakdowns of IMDb's movie rankings. For example, Alexander's most popular ratings, on a scale of 1 to 10, are 1 and 10. And nearly 70% of the votes for You Got Served are 1's; that might be the least user-acclaimed movie of 2004. Oh wait, no, the most user-panned movie of 2004 is Daniel - Der Zauberer, a German movie whose plot summary on IMDB reads: "Evil assassins want to kill Daniel Kublbock, the third runner up for the German Idols."
Odd tidbits
"If you're a bad guy and you want to frustrate law enforcement, use a Mac."
By and large, law enforcement personnel in American end up sending impounded Macs needing data recovery to the acknowledged North American Mac experts: the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Evidently the Mounties have built up a knowledge and technique for Mac forensics that is second to none.

By the time they find out if cell phone EMF is bad for human health, it will be too late for those of us first generation guinea pigs. I just hope later generations appreciate the courage and sacrifice it took for us to plow forward in the face of such mortal uncertainty.
Footage from a tiny camera mounted to the back of an eagle
So that's what it looks like to fly like an eagle.
I'm not sure when this came out. Inspired by BMWFilms, Mercedes Benz made its own online shortmercials, including this one, The Porter. It doesn't seem possible that it would be about what it sounds like, but yes, it's about a hotel parking valet and includes this scintillating line: "I am no spy. I am no thief. I park cars." Sure, no one may take their Mercedes on car chases, as in BMWFilms, but to show a CLS just driving down the street and in and out of parking garages at about 30mph is far from pulse-pounding. Mercedes first short, Lucky Star, featured Michael Mann directing Benicio Del Toro, was at least hammy ("We're on you like white on rice") and humorous, in a cornball way (it's a faux trailer for a movie about a really lucky guy, which Del Toro is in real life, don't you think?). You'll have to scour the web using Google to find a copy--perhaps Mann and Del Toro ordered Mercedes to pull it.

Review: Show Me Love

Show Me Love (its original Swedish title being Fucking Åmål) is a cult favorite. At least, I think it is. I don't remember how I heard of it, but it was in my Netflix queue, and it floated to the top and landed in my hands, like a warmed plate out the top of the stack at the front of a buffet line. Somehow, I lost the Netflix sleeve for the movie, so I put it in last night without the faintest idea what it was about. The tag line--Jag ska aldrig mer bli ihop med nån. Jag ska bli celibat--remained opaque to me, though I must admit, my Swedish is quite rusty.
The movie didn't begin with any menu, it just began playing, the video not anamorphic but some grainy letterbox confined inside a 4:3 box, all shot in over-saturated DV, the audio an unimpressive Dolby mix that sounded almost mono. Was this a student film I'd ordered by mistake?
Well, whoever recommended the movie to me was right. It's a gem, and not because of the plot I'll summarize thusly: a Swedish teenage lesbian love story. Okay, maybe that's too summary. Agnes, a social outcast, is gay and in love with Elin, the high school class vixen, who's beautiful and bored out of her mind living in the dull Swedish suburb of, well, fucking Åmål (I guess I knew some Swedish after all). Strange circumstances bring them together, but will their puppy love survive the cruel and intense pressures of conformity at school and home?
The movie is rough around the edges, and under too much scrutiny or extrapolation much of it doesn't hold up (how much of teenage and high school life ever does?), but within its boundaries it's a rush of the maddening, obsessive angst and compulsions of teenage emotional life, trying to find its balance. Listening to Alexandra Dahlström curse and scream in Swedish, you realize that undirected teenage anger is a universal language. There's a moment, a kiss, that is set up beautifully, and the payoff registers like an adrenalin spike. The movie has a sly wit: it includes a literal coming out of the closet (a water closet, that is). And even the subplots and intersecting lives of peripheral characters are painful reminders of various archetypal stories of high school drama. This movie doesn't seem especially eager to solicit our sympathies for anyone in the movie, and thus any that it does manage to elicit feels earned.
The actors, teenagers themselves, especially the two leads, are very natural, and the lewd DV cinematography contributes to the pseudo-documentary feel. There's a good chance this is the first and last Swedish teenage lesbian love story I'll ever see on film, and if so, I'll have fond memories of the genre, like having your first and only taste of gelato in Florence.

Batman Begins one sheet

Teaser poster for Batman Begins, which comes some 13 years after Batman Returns, except it's a prequel, from when Batman looked like Christian Bale, later letting himself go a bit to evolve into Michael Keaton, who worked out a bit to become Val Kilmer, and finally aged gracefully into George Clooney. I'll tab his Adam West phase as his decline into middle age--he should have stuck with the more flattering dark suit instead of the light blue, which made him look fat.


Free credit report, once a year

A new law allows U.S. consumers to receive one free credit report a year from each of the 3 major credit bureaus.
The good news: starting Dec. 1, consumers in the U.S. will be allowed to receive — for free — one credit report from each of the three major credit bureaus every 12 months, thanks to the Fair and Accurate Credit Transactions Act. It's a new benefit that should be exercised at least once a year, particularly if you're going to be applying for, say, a new mortgage. Once informed of a discrepancy, the bureaus have 45 days to fix the problem, but generally do so within 10 to 15 days.
This new entitlement will roll out gradually across the country over the next nine months, with consumers in Western states beginning first. The Midwest will go live March 1, the South June 1, and the East and U.S. Territories on Sept. 1. The three major credit bureaus — Equifax, Experian and TransUnion — have set up a toll-free phone line (877-322-8228) to handle requests, or you can send a written request to Annual Credit Report Request Service, P.O. Box 105281, Atlanta, Ga., 30348-5281.
But the fastest way — not only to receive your report but also to dispute inaccuracies-- is a new website, annualcreditreport.com. Don't be surprised when the site asks for personal information for security purposes (it's safe to provide it). You'll then be sent to an authentication page for the bureau you select, in which you'll be asked more questions-- about recent transactions and the size of outstanding loans. Again, providing answers is safe. The one thing to beware, however: once you've been authenticated, your report will pop up onscreen; if you close the window, it's gone, and so is your freebie for the year, so print it out immediately.
One other bit of good news: you don't have to pull your free report from all three bureaus at once. So if you want to be truly vigilant about monitoring errors, you can spread your requests throughout the year. And the bureaus may even eventually iron out the lapses in their system that lead to mistakes in the first place.

Nate, Heather, Bialystock and Bloom

This was the week I turned in my grad school app, and so I've come up for air. I've allowed myself to leave the computer for more than just bathroom and food breaks, and it's been a literal breath of fresh air. Walking the streets here is so invigorating, perhaps because everyone walks at such a brisk pace. I've never been to a city where so many people walk faster than I do.
I haven't run since the marathon, but Tuesday night I played two hours of pickup basketball with some bankers down in SOHO in a church gym. I heard about the game through a friend of a friend, who connected me with her friend, who heard about the game through his friend. And it turns out that I knew this guy (the friend of a friend of a friend) from a summer camp from 1992. Six degrees of separation in this world, but with over one and a half million people living in Manhattan alone, you can eat through six hops in one subway ride.
Running a marathon? Not much help in the sprinting of full court basketball. In fact, I venture to say that the benefits from running a marathon translate best to, well, running a marathon. Running up and down the basketball court, I almost passed out at one point, but it was a good feeling. Anywhere in the country, you can find a pickup hoops game, and it has to be one of the most foolproof ways to immediately see other guys for what they are. Pickup hoops is like a truth serum of some sort. It bares people's souls (and yes, some i-bankers do have souls, contrary to popular opinion). Like hunting in Hemingway's day, I suppose.
Wednesday, an old high school friend came to town. I haven't seen Nate since the early to mid 90's, and I also finally got to meet his wife Heather. Nate is as I remember him, and he still has a sharp memory. I enjoyed hearing news of former classmates and having Nate fill in missing names and events from my high school days. Heather is amazingly sweet, and they were kind enough to tolerate this NY novice as a pseudo tour guide. We visited Rockefeller and the newly lit Christmas tree, Central Park (where I learned from Nate and Heather that John Lennon got shot outside the Dakota building which is on the West side of the Park), the Plaza Hotel (where Carmela and Meadow Soprano took their annual mother-daughter tea, and where Tony stayed when Carmela booted him out of the house), and Times Square.
Nate and Heather were also kind enough to treat me to see The Producers. I actually knew very little about the show, only that it was THE SHOW to see when Lane and Broderick were playing it. I'd also seen a scene or two as played by Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm. It was much funnier than I anticipated, a type of meta-Broadway show.
Just after I made it home that evening, I got a call from Bill, playing in NYC that night only, at the Paramount Hotel. So I retraced my steps up to Times Square and caught up with him at the hotel bar.
I've also ventured out more this week for food. My favorite eatery nearby is Wichcraft, the sandwich shop companion to Craft and Craftbar. Wichcraft's sandwiches are tasty. Really tasty. The shop name is apt.
Union Square is host to a whole series of holiday tents where artisans are hawking crafts and clothes and the usual assorted junk. I walk past most of it when getting off the subway without wasting a glance on any of it, but today I stumbled on a soup vendor. The smells called to me and summoned me. What better to repel a late autumn, early winter cold snap than a bowl of hot sweet corn chowder. Tasty. I haven't visited the Soup Nazi yet, but if his soup tastes like this, then I'll shut up and place my order promptly. No questions asked.

Thanksgiving 2004

I had a great Thanksgiving feast at James and Angela's place last Thursday. I've thrown a few pics online. Angela, as anyone who knows her can tell you, is highly detail-oriented, an overachiever, and so the most memorable thing about the whole dinner was that she used some leftover woven paper from her wedding and printed up menus to put on every place setting. So classy--I saw them and immediately rushed home to change into my tux.

I finally tried Angela's brown sugar/butter sauce. James had been raving about it, and holy moly it is sinful, but in the best sense. I poured it over my baked sweet potato and experienced that side dish in an entirely new way. James had two such sugar bombs, and we had to inject him with insulin and carry him to the sofa afterwards.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. (Jon Stewart)

Noir

They're filming bits of War of the Worlds (two dudes named Spielberg and Cruise are working on it) in Brooklyn and NJ.
Weblog of a casino cheat
Even if you don't live in NYC, this list of essential American film noir from the Film Forum is really cool. I caught Mildred Pierce there--good good good.
When trends gain enough momentum to go mainstream, that's when Microsoft jumps in
Giambi brothers admit to having used steroids while in the major leagues
The clouds around Barry Bonds darken, but until he's proven guilty, he's innocent. I think that's how it works in this country. Personally, I'm not convinced that steroids actually help a baseball player. In football, yes, but baseball? I read a convincing case from a baseball-crazed physicist who argued that steroids wouldn't aid a hitter. Since only stories about good hitters or successful players using steroids make the news, the public may have an unjustified bias towards thinking steroids are helpful. What of all the lousy players (Jeremy Giambi being one) and minor leaguers who never make it who used steroids? Sosa and Bonds could hit tape-measure home runs even when they were skinny. Perhaps steroids helps to stave off the effects of aging, allowing guys like Bonds to retain their skills later into their careers.
GQ's 100 funniest jokes of all time

Damn academics

"From Sunday through Friday our football program has exceeded all expectations in every way," [Notre Dame] athletic director Kevin White said at Tuesday's news conference. "The academic performance is at a fever pitch. It's never been better. Tyrone has done some wonderful things. But again, on Saturday, we struggled. We've been up and down and sideways a little bit, a little bit inconsistent."
Yeah, it's a real shame that football players at Notre Dame have to actually be students. At least the Athletic Director was honest about his priorities. Some people say that college sports are more enjoyable to watch than pro sports, that it's a purer game. I don't believe that in the case of college football and even to some extent with college basketball. Having read more than enough stories about football players being passed through classes mysteriously or receiving cars and cash for phantom jobs, and having seen the graduation rates at the schools ranked in the top 25 at the end of each college football season, and I can't help but think of college football as a free farm system for the NFL, or a semi-pro league where schools profit from their athletes for almost nothing. The NBA and NFL would love to not have to pay for a minor league, the way pro baseball or hockey teams do, so they continue to try to restrict the age of incoming players.
Of course, Notre Dame is easy to pick on because they signed a contract with NBC, so every one of their games is televised nationally. I doubt any none-Notre-Dame-alums are grieving over the Golden Dome's misfortune. At least Notre Dame maintains higher academic standards for their athletes than the ones the NCAA requires, unlike many other schools. Anyone who thinks that doing that doesn't hurt the quality of their football team is naive.
At Stanford, the minimum academic requirement for all incoming athletes was a 3.0 GPA and an 1100 SAT. Does the student body in the cheering section care about that when Stanford's getting killed by UW or USC or Cal in football? Probably not on Saturday afternoon, but I don't think most students go there to be associated with a winning football team. If I ever become one of those forty to sixty somethings still buying season tickets to my alma mater's college football games and sitting in the stands wearing a diaper, living and dying on the play of a bunch of 19 and 20 year old boys, just shoot me. It's a sign that my college education probably didn't do me much good.
I personally wouldn't have anything against paying college basketball or football players (I'm assuming these are the NCAA's top two revenue-generating sports). Doing so would be explicit acknowledgment that some schools bring in athletes purely to improve their record on the field and to sell lots of tickets, and that those schools have little interest in providing that athlete with much in the way of an education. Some people have no desire to do anything but play sports, even if the odds against achieving that are slim, and if schools are going to exploit that, at least let those kids share in the revenue they bring in ticket sales and television/bowl revenues. Last I checked, Coach K wasn't working for free dorm housing and a scholarship.
Of course, the problem with doing so is that it would blur the purpose of universities. If you want those athletes to be students, I think you have to have some minimum academic requirements for entering students. If someone is totally unprepared for the academic rigor of college, they shouldn't be dumped into school solely to give the fans in the stands a warm, fuzzy feeling on Saturday afternoons, especially if they'll be working the Krispy Kreme donut machine as soon as their college playing days conclude. If they're solely there to win games, then that part of the school is essentially serving as a sports organization, a minor league semi-pro team. That brings me back to wondering if the NBA and NFL would ever do the right thing and just sponsor minor leagues instead of leaving that to universities.
Yeah, I didn't think so either.

The Chamber of Fear, aka Detroit

Okay, I'm really late with this, but I finally watched a Tivo of Detroit vs. Cleveland from Thanksgiving Eve. Lebron was ridiculous, scoring 43 points while guarded mostly by Tayshaun Prince, the best on-ball defender in the NBA last year. It was the way he scored that was so impressive, taking the ball aggressively to the hoop, using left hand and right. Of course, Ben Wallace wasn't inside to enforce a perimeter around the paint, but still.
"He hit some hard shots," said Tayshaun Prince, who was outscored 43-4 in his matchup with James. "He's the hardest guy in the league to guard. His speed, quickness and athletic ability are unmatched."
This is a good sign for Lebron. Many thought he was extra motivated to prove to Larry Brown, the coach who benched him most of the Olympics, that Brown was wrong. Jordan had that killer instinct, like whenever he felt slighted by an opponent or a coach, or even if someone implied that someone was better than he was. Think of the 35 he dropped on Drexler in the NBA finals Game One, or the 51 he dumped on the Knicks when Jeff Van Gundy implied that Jordan conned players into thinking he was their friend so he could pound them on the court. I was at that last game, and when Jordan hit that last jumpshot to go over 50, he shouted at Van Gundy with a look of pure death. Gave me the chills.
If Lebron has that type of mean streak, we're in for some good times. Good times.

Depth edge detection and rendering

This would be a cool camera to own, even if I really didn't have any use for depth edge detection and rendering. Also, when I was back in Seattle last time I ran into Jeff Bezos at a wedding, and he mentioned having seen a camera demo at MIT in which a camera would take three photos of varying exposure and then intelligently use parts of each photo to form a final picture. It would be a form of simultaneous bracketing and would be extremely useful in high contrast situations. No more having to burn and dodge in the darkroom, or selecting odd-shaped areas in Photoshop with the magic lasso.

Summer road trip pics

During my road trip from Seattle down to Los Angeles to deliver my car to Karen, I snapped a few photos. Many were shot blind as I drove, right hand on the steering wheel, left hand pointing a compact digital camera out the car window. By the way, I don't advise doing that unless you have multiprocessors in the brain. I swerved on to the shoulder a few times.
My last game at Safeco Field. Sang took me to see the Mariners play the Twins. I looked at the lineup and thought two things: "Johan Santana is pitching, and he's filthy, and Justin Morneau is a good young hitter." Santana pitched one run ball for 7 innings, and Morneau hit two homers. Santana went on to win the Cy Young, and he was the best pitcher in baseball this year. I was grateful to see him during his amazing second half run, to see major league hitters flail over the top of his daffy duck changeup. How does he grip it, I wonder, and how crazy is it that he can throw it 75 mph out of his palm when I can't throw a baseball at that velocity holding it normally?


Maelle and Sadie, at my going away BBQ. Maybe babies really do appreciate their awesome complexions.


Eric and Christina bought me this cake. It reads "NYC Ya Later Euge!" The entire outside of the cake was one solid layer of marzipan. Sinfully good.


Frankly, Otto found my imminent departure inconsequential. I pointed out that he had three chins. We reached an uneasy truce.


Taking this photo, I almost drove off the road.


Great weather for my drive down to San Francisco.


I think this is Mt. Shasta, though to be honest I can't remember anymore.




Almost thirteen hours later, I finally crossed the Bay Bridge into San Francisco, my legs having lost all feeling. Another thirteen hours later, I found a parking spot in the city.


Jon took me to catch a game at SBC.


Look where Barry Bonds' bat is relative to the ball. Would you believe he pulled this one foul? That's how ridiculous his swing speed is.




In Los Angeles, Karen took me to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl featuring music from MGM/UA movies (Sept 5). For some of the movies, film clips played on screen while the orchestra played. Maestro John Mauceri would introduce each movie and piece. For some reason, his voice reminded me of Phil Hartman, never more so than when he came out for an encore and then said, "Ladies and gentleman, we are honored to have with us here, Sheena Easton." And then she walked out and sang "For Your Eyes Only." If you had only heard this scene, you'd swear it was from an episode of The Simpsons. Of course, they played bits from Pink Panther, James Bond, Rocky, and West Side Story, but the highlights for me were the clips from Spellbound and City Lights.


Finally, I arrived in NYC, where I stayed with James and Angela. Gorgeous weather blessed us my second weekend there, and I met them in Central Park for a picnic.


Tough beats

I like Annie Duke. Not only does she have a great poker name, she doesn't sit at the poker table with a poker face all the time. It's the same reason I enjoy watching Phil Hellmuth, even though he's a cocky SOB. His running monologues at the table are awesome. Watching Annie take down Phil in the 2004 Tournament of Champions (ESPN2 will be replaying it for months, I'm sure) was good theater, and I really wish I could get a tape of Phil's tirade when Tobey Maguire drew a four of a kind to beat Phil's full house. When she showed him the 9 but not the K after he showed her his K (the flop had K and 9 among them), his reaction was awesome. "You played a pair of 9s? That's so reckless."
Notified in advance by Jason Kottke, I set my Tivo to tape Ken Jennings' defeat on Jeopardy today. He lost to a woman named Nancy, who I liked because she had just returned from China where she'd adopted a little Chinese girl. Jennings would have won if he had nailed both his Double Jeopardy questions in round two, but he missed both of them, and that cost him about $10,000. He went into Final Jeopardy with $14,400 to Nancy's $10,000 (the third contestant, some college student, ended up in the red and didn't even make it to the final round). The Final Jeopardy answer was: "Most of this company's 70,000 seasonal white collar employees only work 4 months a year." I personally didn't know, and neither did Ken, but Nancy knew it was "H&R Block" and placed a bet of $4,401, which, if Ken had bet nothing, would have given her a $1 victory. When his answer came out wrong ("Fed Ex") Nancy gasped and put her hands to her mouth, the crowd gasped, and then they stood to give Ken a standing ovation.
Sundance announces its 2005 lineup of movies
Giddyup! Jason and I had so much fun there last year that we've planned a return trip.

My Kato Kaelin period

Since Thanksgiving weekend just passed, I feel it's appropriate to wrap up a post I have had sitting in draft form for a long time, ever since I moved out of my house in Seattle. It's one part travelogue, three parts thank-you note to those who opened their doors to me while I was homeless this summer. So let's hop into the George Michael Time Machine (okay, so he has a sports machine, but it looks like an old science fiction time machine, and it's conceivable that his hairdo is from an older time) and pretend I just arrived in NYC...
Now that I've finally arrived at a home base, and especially since today my sofa finally arrived and I no longer have to sit on the floor, it's time to reflect on my past months as a houseguest. It's an unsettling feeling, to wander the earth like Kane or Bruce Banner, living out of a suitcase and wearing the same clothes week after week, but my transition has been eased by the hospitality of friends. If you find yourself in the same situation and wander through some of the same towns I've passed through, I recommend all my friend's homes as places to crash. Tell them I sent you.
A quick summary:

Peter and Klara's flat in Marylebone, London

Amenities: massive living room with tall ceilings and magnificent floor to ceiling windows that overlook a park. A huge sofa (we're talking Alice in Wonderland proportions) to crash on. Easy access to the Tube (Marylebone Station just 1 block away). Notify Peter and Klara ahead of time and they'll book you tickets to the latest and greatest in theater. Owner Peter is a former actor and will entertain you for hours with lines from Shakespeare.
My experience: In London, I first stayed with Peter at his flat in Marylebone. Peter has learned how to manage expectations, as they are so fond of saying in the business world. He apologized to me many times before I arrived about the modest living room where he'd have to put me.
This modest living room turned out to be larger in and of itself than most apartments in NYC, with high ceilings and three massive windows to welcome the sunlight from outside. The sofa I slept on, left behind by the previous tenants, was perhaps the largest sofa I've ever sat on; leaning back in the sofa, my knees didn't reach the edge of the sofa, leaving the ends of my shins and my feet to jut out in the air. In fact, everything in the living room was so massive that I felt like Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in the scene where he's back in his mother's kitchen from his childhood and he has shrunk down to a child-like size relative to his environment.
Whenever Peter and I hang out, we spend all our time discussing movies (few people see as many movies as I do, but Peter may actually have surpassed me these past few months in London, a great cinema town. We tried to find a movie that neither of us had seen and were left with the Garfield movie and 16 Years of Alcohol; we opted for the latter) and theatre. We discuss Shakespeare, of whom we're both huge groupies, and recite some of his soliloquys. Peter knows many more by heart, and he certainly can deliver them with more verve than I can.
Where be your gibes now, your gambols, your songs, your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chop'fallen.
Of course, we caught a play. Peter bought us tickets to see Hamlet at the Old Vic theatre (Kevin Spacey is artistic director there) in the last weekend of the much-acclaimed production by Trevor Nunn (who is now producing the new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, The Lady in White.
The most controversial decision Nunn made was to cast very young actors to play Hamlet and his peers. He had noted that the word "youth" occurs again and again in Hamlet and felt that other productions had cast actors much too old. Nunn's other surprising choice, and the real revelation of the show, was to cast Ben Whishaw, a young and unknown actor who had only done one show previously, as Hamlet.
Whishaw offered one of the most memorable Hamlets I’ve seen, and it will be difficult in the future to accept middle-aged Hamlets. Nunn noted that the word “youth” appears in Hamlet over and over, and he thought previous Hamlets had been much too old. After all, Hamlet is still in school when his father dies. Whishaw’s Hamlet is a frail rail of a young man, pale, awkward, preternaturally intelligent and introspective. A mopey, sensitive youth dressed in black, hiding and muttering beneath a dark skull cap.
It works, for the most part, though I had a hard time buying that from this self-tortured and physically fragile intellectual would emerge the ruthless judge and executioner that is Hamlet. After all, Hamlet is a man who excoriates his mother, abandons his girlfriend, murders Polonius and two of his childhood friends, and ultimately assassinates the king of Denmark. In between, he draws intellectual moustaches on everyone around him. He is one of the most dangerous protagonists in Western fiction.
But Whishaw is otherwise brilliant, tapping into the humor and wit of Hamlet with an appealing glee, and some of his movements on stage lent the part a physical humor that I’d not seen in the role before.
The rest of the production was interesting, if uneven. It was cast in modern times, with machine guns, music by The Strokes, and electronic A/V equipment on stage, yet the play within a play had male actors playing female parts. Ophelia was played as a bubblehead, not someone one would imagine Hamlet doting upon. Imogen Stubbs, Nunn’s wife, played Gertrude as a middle-aged sexpot socialite, bringing more camp to the role than I’d seen before. Nicolas Jones was excellent as Polonius.
What the play reminded me of was how difficult and challenging a work Hamlet is. For one thing, it’s long: a full production would last four hours, but Nunn’s reductions brought it in just over three hours. The sequencing is odd. In the most widely used version of Hamlet, the famous “to be or not to be” soliloquy occurs just before a staged encounter with Ophelia with Polonius and Claudius eavesdropping. Nunn chose to move the speech way up in the play, at a moment when Hamlet is alone, deciding whether or not to commit suicide with a bottle of pills in his hand.
Trevor Nunn stood nearby us during the play, surveying the proceedings with wistfulness? Oddly, at one point during the play he spent several moments tearing open a candy wrapper, causing Peter to miss several lines of dialogue. Later I'd read a Kevin Spacey diatribe against noisy audience members and chuckle at the irony.
Peter and Klara both have close ties to the theatre world, Peter as a former actor, Klara as a leading set designer. Spending time with Peter in London, then, means rubbing shoulders with actor Cillian Murphy, star of 28 Days Later, and soon to be most well-known for playing Scarecrow in the upcoming Batman movie Batman Begins (goofy title, even worse than Batman: Year One, the classic comic on which it's based) opposite Christian Bale as Batman, directed by Christopher Nolan (Memento). It means visiting acclaimed Irish playwright Enda Walsh (Disco Pigs) at his flat and then taking a walk across half of London, ending with a Lebanese dinner.
I didn't spend much time frequenting tourist sights in London, but Peter and I did walk just about every street in that town. One day we must have logged nearly eight miles on foot. I suspect someday Peter and I may reunite in New York City, where Klara still keeps a flat...err, apartment.

Hart to Hart in Notting Hill

Amenities: Huge, modern flat. Guests get their own bedroom down one level. Owners Greg and Kristin have a cute baby named Jenson. Kristin has been taking cooking classes and will often treat you to a home-cooked meal. High speed Internet access via Ethernet. Nearest Tube station just a few blocks away.
My experience: The second half of my stay in London, I crashed with Kristin and Greg at their flat in Notting Hill. Let me tell you, expats live large. Their flat had two bedrooms, three bathrooms, and another room down a set of stairs that acted as a basement/third bedroom where I stayed. The kitchen was gorgeous. I was stunned.
I met 9 month old Jenson for the first time. He has a sly grin; perhaps he looks around and contemplates inheriting the flat someday. We took several walks around London, Jenson in his pram (I guess that's English for stroller). That's most of what I did in London, just stroll around the city.

Chateau Kilar

Amenities: a Frasier like view of the city from the deck. Personal parking space. Separate guest bedroom with deck. High speed internet access via Ethernet. Gym in the basement with treadmill and ellipticycle.
My experience: Fresh off a jaunt through Europe, I returned to the States in style by checking in at Chateau Kilar, as Eric dubbed it. I'd wake up, don a bathrobe, and go out on my own balcony overlooking the city and pretend as if I owned the house and everything that fell beneath my gaze. "Do you like what I've done with the place?" I'd ask the neighbors, and they'd run into their houses to call the police.
Of course I spent a lot of time with Sadie and Jamie, and Jamie's brother Jared was in town as well. Yes, that meant Jamie had three kids to watch over. Sadie was just in the early phases of walking, and she'd motor around with her arms held up for balance (held up higher than Frankenstein used to do in old black and whites; more a "boo" pose than a sleepwalk pose).
She also had begun speaking her own language. She's just a bit younger than Ryan, and what's useful is how so many kids share the same childhood curriculum. They all can point at the appropriate part of themselves when you ask them where their nose is, or ears, or head. What a little cutie! I'll miss being able to keep track of her development in person.
I began my marathon training here. My first time out running with Jason we ran 3 miles around the crown of Queen Anne in the rain. At the end, I thought I was going to throw up.

1739 Bradner

Amenities: Deck with view of Seattle from the Southeast and a grill the size of hatchback. Sweet modern kitchen with all those shiny, modern appliances. Garage parking spot. Wireless internet. Home theater in the basement.
My experience: Ah, old familiar 1739 Bradner. With Sang having bought my sofa and TV from me, it's like I never left that basement. How appropriate that my last days in Seattle were spent in the place I spent the most time. All things come full circle.
How many times I rode out of that driveway on my bike on my way to loop around Mercer Island or Lake Washington? Countless. I wasn't on my bike this time, though I did jog down to Lake Washington to run along side the water. I'll miss eating burgers off the grill, especially since I can't have a grill of my own here in Manhattan.
Seeing some of my artifacts still in the basement gives me the feeling that I did leave my imprint on one small space in Seattle.

Nob Hill peak

Amenities: Step outside for great views of the city in all directions, and what a beautiful city it is. Walking distance to a whole slew of neighborhood eats. A short jog takes you to the water for a scenic run to the base of Golden Gate Bridge. Strangely addictive electronic Trivial Pursuit handheld game. Nice, homey, young-couple-lived-in feel.
My experience: Justin and Betina rent this sweet little pad at the top of Nob Hill. Rent prices in SF are so low relative to NYC, I almost wept. I walked out one morning down to a local cafe and read the paper while having breakfast, and it was like being home again back in the Bay Area. Another day, Betina charted out a marathon training run for me, and I followed it one day out to the base of Golden Gate Bridge and back. The familiar San Francisco gales were in my face on the way out, but on my return, with the wind at my back, I floated over 3 miles like wing-footed Mercury. Those hills on the way back up nearly killed me.

L'il Jon

Amenities: Internet access. Sweet view back on the SF skyline. Walking distance to SBC Park. Leather sofas, big tv, personal guest bathroom.
My experience: I've stayed with Jon in SF before. Last time was when I was down visiting Gap headquarters. Jon's still in the same sweet bachelor pad. No need to change a good thing. We'd been plotting a visit to SBC (formerly Pac Bell) for some time, and he came through big-time, scoring a block of tickets from some co-worker. Awesome seats, right on top of the field. We spent half the game trying food from just about every concession eatery in the place. Awesome ballpark.

Polly and Ed's: a true home office

Amenities: A guest bedroom, wireless Internet, dozens of eateries just a few blocks south on Castro St. A heavy dose of nostalgia for Stanford alums. In-house exercise equipment.
My experience: I finally got to meet little Emily, the tiniest of newborns. Polly and Ed were worried that she looked like a little boy, but seriously, that's way too much pressure for a girl in her first four months in this world. What's really cool is that Polly and Ed started their own business and run it out of their home, using a separate garage building as headquarters. Seeing packages piled up inside, waiting for twice-a-day pickups from the local UPS truck, reminded me of stories of early Amazon, run out of Jeff's garage.

Karen's new pad in Manhattan Beach

Amenities: My little sis. Wireless internet, walking distance to Manhattan Beach and all its restaurants and stores. Los Angeles weather. Skinny, beautiful people everywhere.
My experience: My time with my car was at an end here, and if we had to leave each other, I'm glad my baby was passing on to family. Karen was in Hermosa Beach last time I visited, and she'd moved to Manhattan Beach. Cleaning out the car was like cleaning out an office in the movies: everything you need to take with you inevitably fits inside one cardboard box.
I went for my first 12 or 13 mile run while down here, leaving the apartment one night at around 6:45pm. I ran along a soft trail for a few miles but found that it was causing a lot of arch pain, so I migrated to the boardwalk on the beach, and hit my stride. For about seven miles, I felt like I had finally achieved some form of runner's high. I ran to the south end of the beach, and beyond. At around mile 11, my legs turned to lead, and the last few miles were a slog. Karen called me once because it was past 9pm and she was worried I'd run to Mexico. At the time, that marathon seemed a long, long ways away.
Karen put up with me one afternoon when I had to borrow her computer to join in on my fantasy football draft for a few hours. We also drove down to Temecula one day to help our parents unpack some of their furniture and to preview their new house. They kept driving me by the Indian casino nearby, asking if I wanted to go in. For some reason, I felt like a recovering alcoholic being driven past the local pub over and over, even though I'm not yet guilty of being a gambling addict.

James and Angela's: A preview of coming attractions

Amenities: Physical manifestation of what a well-furnished, spacious NY apartment can be. Samsung DLP-LCD Projection HDTV. Internet access. Occasional home-cooked meals by Angela.
My experience: James and Angela were kind enough to put up with my presence for nearly two weeks while I apartment-hunted in NYC. Sharon came with me two days to look at places. Apartment hunting in NYC is just as bad as everyone says it is. Truly miserable.
James and Angela have a great apartment, though, in a great location, and ultimately spending time near their place convinced me to try and live near Union Square as well. Many of my early impressions of Manhattan came through them; I saw the city through their eyes. And talking with Angela about her first years in Manhattan (everyone here has a story of first year tribulation) helped to convince me that things would only get better once the apartment hunt was behind me.
Through Angela, I was introduced to the corn fries at Mandler's Sausage, Shake Shack, and brunch at Pain. Through James, I found several local poker rooms. Illegal, of course, which makes them all the more irresistible. Once through the front door, it's tough not to feel like Mike McDermott, especially since Rounders screenwriters David Levien and Brian Koppelman frequented many of these places.
Ultimately, I ended up with an apartment just a few blocks from Union Square and James and Angela's apartment. One long trip behind me, and another one just beginning.

Phonak fires Tyler Hamilton

Phonak fired Tyler Hamilton, but the UCI still banned the team from the 2005 Pro Tour. Just a tragic story all around.
Anyone who thinks expansion adds too many new teams to leagues like the NBA or MLB would be shocked at pro cycling, where the average life of a pro team must be around two or three years before the team's sponsor pulls out for financial or (as in the case of Phonak) legal reasons.
Meanwhile, Tyler continues the fight to clear his name.