I am not real

I asked the A.I. chatbot: "Find me a the perfect girlfriend."
It replied: "I'm not sure where to begin looking. I would try doing a search for it."

Which all goes to show, some things will be no easier in the future.
posted by Eugene Wei at 3:47 PM | link

While it's fresh in my mind, a recap of a dream I just had:

I'm wandering around these gothic towns. Everything silent. Not sure why. Examining these rooms. For a reason. Not sure what. But some reason related to art.

Then, Howie and Mark have sent me a blind date to some event. Not sure what. No, maybe I am in SF? Anyway, I meet her. Quiet, somewhat pretty Asian girl. I shake her hand and start showing her around this mansion Mark lives in. Point out all the fancy appliances in the kitchen (hey, sort of like Sang's kitchen!). Then the huge living room with vaulted ceiling (like home in Naperville). The yard out back. The giant swimming pool. Room with a chess (Chinese chess? Go?) board. Then basement, which is not finished, just a storage room (again, this is my experience from the past). Howie wants me to wear this strange type of suit with a short with no buttons or collar. Then I ask Mark to borrow the phone b/c I'm going to call my mom, who I've forgotten to call for several days while I've been away from home.

Then I'm in a high school, wandering around a gym area, around the halls. Then a teacher approaches me, asks me what I'm doing here. I'm about to enroll, I'm just checking out the facilities. But, she says, what year are you. I admit I've got a few year's of college under my belt. I say two. Wait, as we walk towards an escalator (??), a huge escalator, and ride down from this gym locker area, I realize I've finished college. Maybe I can teach. She says great, that would take a huge burden off of her so that she could work more with crafts.

Now we're at the bottom of this huge long escalator (am I riding down from the sky? It's like a mall, Pacific Place, with shops off to the right. Now I'm at the bottom, and Joannie and maybe Karen and maybe an uncle are there in a room. They're in this room, and I see these crazy creatures inside. They're robotic pets, small dinosaurs, but they're crazy. I know this about these types of pets, they attack people and chew up clothes, slobber, jump all over you. They're miniature and insane. The teacher opens the door to this room they're in and all the animals run out. The dog is at my leg immediately, slobbering all over me. I'm holding something, and one of the dinosaur robots starts eating it and runs off with the item halfway down its throat. Some lady at a desk fends one of these creatures off. Ugh, I hate these things. Why don't people get ride of them.

Joannie and them were watching a movie. They've just finished watching it. Joannie says it was very good, they just watched Alibi /ah luh bee/. I say, "It's Alibi /a leh by/." No, she says, the theme song was Alibi /ah luh bee/ . I'm thinking of that movie, Her Alibi? Starring that model, what was her name, I'm sounding it out, and Joannie says something like Corretja, some Spanish model? No, I'm thinking Stephanie... (after waking up just now, I realize I knew her face, and it's Paulina Porizkova). Hmm, but maybe it was some other movie. Alibi. Sounds like a murder mystery?

I wake up, realize I've been exhausted ever since my trip to Spain. I fell asleep again this morn after my alarm went off. Rush to computer to jot down this vivid dream, which I know will be gone from my mind shortly. Not an easy to understand dream.
posted by Eugene Wei at 8:16 AM | link

First day back at work today. Around 1100 e-mail messages. Took me most the day just to get through it all. Whew!

Woke up at like 4:30 in the morning after passing out cold the night before. Haven't been that tired in a long time. Went for a 26 mile bike ride before heading into work. Damn, I am slow now. Felt so heavy. Very frustrating. RAMROD is a month away, and I am not close to ready. But the vacation was necessary, and I will just have to ride my ass off this month. Tim wants to meet at 6am on the bridge tomorrow for a ride. That guy's an animal on two wheels! He may be the type of gung-ho bike marine I need to beat me into shape.

It's tough to get motivated for riding this year. Fewer folks to ride with as most folks I rode with last year aren't doing the biking thing again. Lonely and boring to go on long rides alone. Todd and Rachael have dropped out of RAMROD this year, so I think it's down to Jessie, Tim, and myself. I'm not even sure I can keep up with those two, so July 26 might be a long day of hanging out with myself.

Traveling alone in Madrid after splitting off from Toni and Erin and John, I was reminded of Hannibal Lecter, living alone in Italy. Goody goody.

Back on the subject of aesthetic sensibilities, I'm going to change the art hanging up in my room. Bought a few prints out in Spain, and an original painting. Also just got most of my framed German Crouching Tiger posters back and they look great in their frames. My whole room is going to undergo some simplification, just like my life.

So many phone calls today from folks. Derek might swing through Seattle early August. I have to decide if I'm going to make Peter's wedding in Prague. Really would like to go, but Derek's visit would overlap. I don't have that Prague ticket yet, and it will be pricey. But would love to see Peter get married, and have wanted to see Prague for many years.

So much more to write, but I gotta get up early to ride with Tim. Can't lose discipline just one day back from vacation.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:19 PM | link

le sangria-froid

Hola mis amigos. I'm back. My body exists in its own state of
biological synchronicity, thus I am up at 5 in the morning. It's always
easier for me to fight jet lag by staying up late, as is usually the
case on the journey home, than to try and sleep, which is the case
on the way over. Still, it will be a long day. Lots to catch up on
around the house.

Oh, I'm loving this American keyboard. I was thinking, maybe they use punctuation
in different ways, thus leading to a different optimal keyboard design. Fewer questions,
less need for colons, stuff like that. I'm glad to say I fought that design for my week
and a half there and continued to punctuate as necessary.

[Aside: Speaking of grammar and punctuation I've been browsing through my
new copy of Garner's A Dictionary of Modern American Usage, which is genius,
and must point out a useful entry on the misuse of "aggravate for annoy or irritate."
Garner recommends that this usage "be avoided in formal writing" as "strictly
speaking, aggravate means 'to make worse, exacerbate'". I only note this because
I heard it used on the trip a few times...if some of the Spaniards I encountered
could speak English, they would be saying "gringo dumb American, you aggravate
me." I would not have had the heart to correct them.]

My roomie Rich has taken a new job and is leaving for New York to study
finance for five months. So much change happening around me. I'm glad I
took a vacation, otherwise I'd feel like a slug considering the life changes
folks around me are diving into (job changes, marriage, kids). Getting away
helped me to clear my head and think some more about what my next steps
are. One idea I had was to make a movie--I even have an idea for a short film.
And an idea for the female lead, though I wonder if she'll want to act in it.
Hmmm. As most amateur film directors know, finding good actors is one
of the elements most out of their control and thus one of the most frustrating
things about that field. I wonder which of my friends would make good actors.

I think my entire trip has influenced my aesthetic sensibility. I had a dream just now,
before I ran to the computer, where I saw in a Spanish traffic circle the perfect
composition for a photograph, and I woke up desperately groping around my bed
for my camera. I started to hone my sense of composition with the camera
while overseas. Don't know why I didn't think of it before, but I tried to make it
a conscious consideration more. It's part instinct, of course, but I'm still a novice
so I have to experiment and play around and see what I come up with. But
I definitely think my photos from this trip will be better than those I got in
Africa. My first few rolls of transparencies (i.e. slides) show some promise,
though I got some vignetting in the upper right corner of my shots. Damn. Must
have been the two filters I put on my lens. I definitely have to figure that out.

Flipping through some photography compilations, like that of William Klein,
has helped me with my own feel for photography.

So so nice to put vacation messages on voicemail and answering machine.
Come back to very few phone messages. E-mail, on the other hand, is
another story. I'm not even going to begin downloading messages until
I get into the office tomorrow.


posted by Eugene Wei at 6:31 AM | link

Hello people. This will have to be quick, as they´re closing down here at this cibercafe in Madrid in a few minutes.

BTW, if any of you want to drop me your e-mail addresses, I´d love to send you an update. Got here and realized I don´t know many e-mail addresses by heart. Mostly just my work compadres. So sorry for not writing some of you as promised.

Let´s see. I´m alone now, as Toni and Erin and John headed off to Costa del Sol. My first night in Madrid was pretty shady, as I got in on the train late and couldn´t for the life of me find a vacancy anywhere, nice hotels down to hostels. Lugged my two heavy bags all over the city through dark alleys at midnight, expecting to get mugged by half the shady dudes I passed. More on that some other time.

The museums in Madrid are great, especially the Prado and Thyssen. Bought myself a few posters. Had roast suckling pig and roast lamb, lots of sangria, lots of gazpacho and squid and fish. Lots of sun....whooeee it´s hot here. I gain weight eating and lose it all walking around town in this heat. Thank god for the Madrid subway. Saw flamenco at a bar. Wandered through some parks. Have become acclimated to the strange hours they keep here in Spain. Somewhat. I´m wearing down a little bit, as traveling alone on a compressed schedule means lots of scheduling stress. My work isn´t done, as I get back to Vancouver Sunday night and have no ride home to Seattle. Hmmmm. I guess I´ll worry about that when I get to the station. Maybe they have buses or something.

Okay folks, I´m close to heading home. Actually I´m looking foward to some mellow Seattle weather to cool me off. Have had a great time here. Spain is a great country to visit this time of year, just before the peak tourist season starts.

Buenos noches.
posted by Eugene Wei at 2:08 PM | link

Saville

Okay, this keyboard in Saville is a bit closer to those in the U.S.
So I can type a bit more. Arrived in Saville tonight by bus from Lagos in
Portugal. I love Saville! Reminds me of Florence in some ways. Spent
the night wandering the streets of Saville, drinking local beer and sangria
and eating tapas. Am slightly intoxicated as I write, so the fluorescent
light off this screen is giving me a headache. Yeee-ha!

Salema in Portugal was nice. Remote fishing town, like Cinqueterre in
Italy. Spent time on the beach, just lounging with the locals. Windy out
there. The Portuguese have a little brother/big brother complex with Spain,
so actually my French came in handy.

Staying at Hotel Amadeus in Santa Cruz here in Saville. Right next
to the cathedral, which is magnificent at night. I was so relaxed tonight.
Just wanted to sit and soak it all in. It feels like the city is vibrating
under my feet. The food and drink is great.

I´ve been extremely relaxed so far, which is just what I need. Really
really need. Sleep, eat, run on the beach, just think of nothing at all.
Low hanging fruit on Maslow´s hierarchy of needs.

Alright, they´re closing this place down. Buenos noches amigos.

posted by Eugene Wei at 4:34 PM | link

okay, just lost my damn post. and this keyboard is all
f#@§ed up. so this will be short.

in salema in the algarve region of portugal. spent day at nude beach.
relaxing. it's a small fishing town.

more later, when i find a normal keyboard. this hunt and peck
typing is driving me insane.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:33 AM | link

I'm off to Spain. Well, actually, first to Vancouver, then to Portugal, and then to Spain. But it's like saying you're from Chicago when you're actually from Naperville. Broad brushstrokes we're painting here.

Up all night packing and finishing up stuff for work. Vacations are always like this for me. Up all night, half coherent by the time I'm in the air, and somewhat nervous that I've forgotten to bring something important--underwear, passport, plane ticket. Frantic phone calls from well-wishers that you field while folding laundry in the other hand. Wishing you had left more time to call other people.

It's a true getaway. I really need one, and now that it's here, I feel so relieved. My hope is to come back stronger, more in control, and ready to go. But also, more relaxed, more at peace. The pugilist at rest.

If I find a computer over there, I'll try and post some updates here. But if not, I'll try and snap lots of photos and post both those and my shots from Africa when I return. And I'll have time to do so, because I'll have achieved that work/life balance again.

Ironically, I ordered some Spanish software from Amazon and it just arrived today. A lot of good it will do me sitting on my desk these next two weeks.

See you soon, folks.
posted by Eugene Wei at 1:17 PM | link

I haven't written in a long time. I just haven't felt like it. I can't remember the last time I've felt like writing anything. Not a good place to be. This must be what Samson felt like when he got that haircut.

Work has been extremely busy. Nothing new there. I feel like I'm reacting, rather than in control. Haven't ridden my bike in two weeks. I can't remember the last time I worked out. I feel like wallpaper at the high school prom. Even I have to admit that for once, I have crossed the line between healthy and unhealthy work/life balance. My e-mail inbox is almost over a thousand, now, and my voicemail box is backed up. It's all just a bit too much.

When I leave for Spain next week, I will be escaping. I don't even know where I'm going yet. Toni and Erin have planned it all out. I'm just going to throw a toothbrush in my bag and leave. Maybe somewhere over there I will figure it all out, hear the sirens calling, something like that. Sometimes you just survive and hang on, and then some epiphany strikes. It's not the most glamorous way to live. I'm quite Clark Kent right now.

But when you don't feel like writing, that's when you should, because it's a job. I should take my own advice.

Let's see...

I think two friends of mine started dating this past month, fell in love, and got engaged. It can happen...happiness can just overtake you like a fever. Wow. Unbelievable. Hope. That's the eighth engagement I've heard of this year, all people I know. Some have taken only a month, and one was 10 years in the making. At some point you have to stop and think, am I missing something here?

I was thinking just now, I always get misty-eyed in that one segment of the Oscars where they show all the folks in showbiz that died that past year.

When I was young, I used to always want to stay up past bedtime to watch movies when they were shown on network TV on weeknights. It could be a movie I'd seen many times before. A movie I had on video that I hadn't cared to watch in ages. But put it on TV and suddenly it became irresistible. It had to do with the sense that all these other people around the world were watching it as well. This desire to be part of the global community of voyeurs. Not very healthy. But I don't have that feeling anymore because there are so many channels you don't really feel that anything is really must-see anymore. The Oscars are an exception. But with cable, satellite, the Internet...it's harder to feel like one is part of a larger community. Maybe it explains some of this isolation I feel.

Rachael took me to see Baraka at the Seattle Int'l Film Festival the other day. It was very very good. One of those times you enter the theater without very high expectations and come out blown away. No narrative either, just an essay of pictures and music in 70mm. Rachael is about the only person other than my office mate and my roommate I've seen on a consistent basis this past month. I'm a wraith.

I watched two Kiyoshi Kurosawa films at the film fest, and both starred Koji Yakusho, who I'd only seen in Shall We Dance before. I guess he's a big star in Japan. He's everywhere.

My dad is thinking of perhaps taking one of the early retirement packages from Lucent. He asked me what I thought, and it was strange. I was somewhat jealous that he even had the option.

Played my first softball game yesterday. I'm on a team that's already played five games, and I may only make one game all year. Sang stuck me at third base, the hot corner. I hate playing third on that crappy infield on Mercer Island. You never get a true hop and huge lunky guys are hitting lasers at you all night. So of course, some hot one-hopper takes a nasty bounce and hits me in the face, on my nose and upper lip. I have a nice red mark on my upper lip and a big cut in my mouth, but mostly I'm sore. There goes my stage face.

Living ugly...






posted by Eugene Wei at 10:15 PM | link