I remember these conversations I used to have with my manager Jason. We'd talk about those glory days in the future when we'd both work sane hours, get off work early, go work out, watch a movie, live normally, leave our weekends open. But I've come to realize that will never happen. Working at Amazon.com will always be an all or nothing thing for both of us.

You find yourself working at midnight on a weekday, squinting with eyes dried out from staring at a computer screen all day, typing and spinning over a million things in your head. At times like this, you just have to take a break from your computer, scoop yourself a small bowl of ice cream (preferably if it contains caffeine of some variety), put on Smokey's "The Tracks of my Tears," and dance around your room in your boxers singing.

I'm not saying I'm doing that right now...but I'm not denying it either.
posted by Eugene Wei at 11:35 PM | link

More thoughts on the Oscars:

• The white tie look seemed to be in. Benjamin Bratt and Ben Affleck both sported white shirt/white tie combos. That's a tough one to pull off...unless you're Benjamin Bratt or Ben Affleck.


• Russell Crowe was a grump the whole time. What's up with that? Maybe Meg won't return his phone calls. You're invited to the Oscars. Smile a bit, huh?


• Julia Roberts referred to Jack Conti, the conductor, as "stick man." I thought that was, inadvertent as it might be, a snobbish way to address him. Conti is introduced every year, Julia should know his name.


• That long closeup of Bob Dylan's head spooked me. He's a great singer, but he's not that photogenic. I didn't need to see his pores.


• Ashley Judd thanked the Academy for inviting a "simple country girl" to the proceedings. This while dressed in tens of thousands of dollars of fabric and jewelry, and engaged to an Italian race car driver. Hmmm.


• What happened to Winona Ryder? Everytime she presents she seems so awkward. I feel uncomfortable just watching her. I used to be such a big fan. Now she does stuff like Autumn in New York.

Pro cyclists are so fit that their resting heart rates are in the 30's!! Tyler Hamilton's resting heart rate is 35, and Lance's is 32-34. That's sick. I can't even imagine getting mine under 60. Something to shoot for.

I'm too heavy to ride right now. So I went out for a five mile run tonight. I'm going to ride tomorrow morning. It's time to shed some serious weight and get myself in cycling shape.

Pitcher Randy Johnson hit a dove with a 95 mph fastball in training camp yesterday and killed it. I watched the replay. He threw the pitch, and before it reached the plate a dove flew across the baseball's path and there was an explosion of white feathers. The bird's corpse landed 10 feet behind the catcher, off to the side. Johnson can't like that omen, killing a dove.

The Cubs optioned Corey Patterson to Triple A. Good move.

Joannie's fiance Mike's birthday today. Happy birthday Mike!
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:09 PM | link

Just finished hosting a small Oscar party. Every year I watch the Oscars, and I always feel intensely jealous of everyone there. It's completely ludicrous, but I guess that's the magic of Hollywood and star power. I'd rather be like my roommate Rich, who could care less. He was more excited to have caught the Nascar race today.

It's that feeling of being an outsider to this party hosted by and for beautiful, glamorous people. Peeking in. The outsider. Being unpopular in high school. Watching all the pretty girls date dim-witted football players. Parking attendant at a black-tie ball.

Steve Martin was quite funny. He was a very solid choice as host. Though I'd still like to see Jim Carrey get a shot at it, but I don't think the Academy will every hand over their prized day to such a loose cannon.

I had a dream Friday night, more like a nightmare, that I was hosting a show, I think it was the Oscars, and I wasn't prepared at all. I had no idea who I was introducing, and I was on stage in front of thousands of spectators at this arena. I hate those dreams, those in which we are totally unprepared for the problem we are faced with. Workplace stresses and challenges are invading my life.

What does it mean when you have more conversations with someone in your dreams than you do in real life (excluding those people who have passed away)? No, no, not sexual fantasies you crass people...just normal conversations. Quite odd.

The human body is really sensitive. I find it amazing that a CD is so light, but yet I can always tell if a CD case is empty without opening it.
posted by Eugene Wei at 9:58 PM | link

Have to give a shout out to Pete, whose birthday was yesterday. Pete is some combination of what Malcolm Gladwell in The Tipping Point would call Salesmen, Mavens, and Connectors. At any rate, he defines what is cool, and I find myself saying things he says, listening to music he listens to, etc. He's a virus.

Oh yeah, and to Margaret, who baked an insanely good chocolate cake. I think there were five pounds of sugar in the slice I had. Mmmmmm.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:50 AM | link

One of those days that starts badly and keeps getting worse.

I woke up early for a 6:00am spin around Mercer with Tim. Felt like crap to start with, and then halfway around the island, Tim leaves me behind. I'm wondering why I'm so slow. Can't get the cranks around at all. Then I realize my rear tire is totally flat. Of course, flash back to the morning, when I can't find my pump. "Ah, I won't need it today anyway. Haven't had a flat in months." Murphy.

So I'm 7 miles from home, without a pump, in my bike shoes. Walking in bike shoes, with their bulky cleats, is like walking in heels. Tim was late for a court date so I knew I wouldn't see him again. I figure some biker will come by and loan me a pump.

Nada.

Finally, after walking for about an hour, a guy in a Land Rover pulled over and gave me a lift. He happened to be a fellow cyclist. You can always count on your fellow cyclists for sympathy. Thanks Scott, wherever you are.

Then I arrive at work to a website crisis. I've spent all morning chasing it.

I must have done something badly recently. I apologize for it now. I'm hitting the RESET button. I'm going to go help a lady across the street and rescue a cat from a tree. Please stop.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:36 AM | link

Jenny and Adam got engaged. Whoa! Two friends of mine. Jenny works in the same group as I do. Happened this weekend in the San Juan Islands.

A member of my team, Rob, just returned to work after taking a short paternity leave as his wife gave birth to a baby boy two weeks ago. Another Amazonian, a guy I play basketball with, Owen, just welcomed a new kid to the family two days ago.

I've got to book my flight for John's wedding. Old college roommate Rob's getting married in the fall. The human race is in no danger of extinction.

I'm not fazed, though. It's only when one of the true bachelors falls that I'll be shaken up.
posted by Eugene Wei at 9:05 AM | link

Chatted by phone with Bill tonight. He was doing the legendary drive from Amazon's Fernley DC back to the Golden Nugget. Poor Bill. We were roommates there two Xmas ago. I was a zombie half the time while Bill was unconscious when he wasn't standing.

I got home tonight, and ESPN Classics happened to be showing Game 4 of the NLCS, Cubs vs. Padres, when Garvey hit the homer off Lee Smith to win it. Ugh. I couldn't even watch the ending.

The soundtrack to Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? is great. Rich lent me his copy tonight. Good music to work by.

Anton Chekhov was such an amazing writer. I just thought of that tonight.

Sometimes, I get stuck on the same problem, the same challenges, and just refuse to cut my losses and let go. Is it stubborness or idiocy? Or both?

I remember one time in little league, I was maybe 12 or 13, playing center field on a baseball field in Palatine, a field set up high on a plateau, surrounded by corn fields. The sun was close to setting, at my back, and my shadow stretched out before me for what seemed like a mile. I was bent over, my hands on my knees, watching the pitcher deliver. The batter crushed it to right center, and at times your adrenaline and instincts take over, and I turned and immediately sprinted out towards my left, and back. I didn't even stop to think if I was heading towards the right spot, and I couldn't feel myself running, I just had my eye on the ball and knew I was meant to meet up with it out there, somewhere.

Some things I can't control, but sometimes my opportunities seem to be shot out at random. I need to stop, crouch, look in, put my hands on my knees, and wait for my chance to run.

I'm not even sure what I'm talking about. It's just a mood. As Thom Jones referred to it, the pugilist at rest.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:55 PM | link

Stanford barely won yesterday over St. Joe's. If they'd gone out in the second round for a third year in a row, I'd still be crying in some Irish bar right now.

I think it takes physical strength to suppress our true feelings. Whenever I exhaust myself, my dreams reveal all. Yet another reason to work out hard, regularly. So we don't deceive ourselves.

Watched a few good films recently. Wong Kar Wai's In The Mood For Love, which is the best film I've seen in 2001. Christopher Doyle's cinematography is LUSH. Great stuff. And Shane, the old western. Turned out to be a lot more than I expected. Enemy at the Gates was a bust. Great premise, lousy execution. A few good scenes, but otherwise loose and sloppy. Sad, how most films achieve their greatest glory as a two minute trailer.

Finally bought myself a decent pair of basketball shoes. Some type of Reeboks, I can't remember the brand. I've been wearing these old Nikes that don't fit me very well. Nikes never fit my feet. They're so narrow. Basketball shoes these days are strange looking. Maybe fashion has passed me by, but some of those designs are just wack. Tear away pants are smooth, though. I need to get me some of those.

Took Dan out to look for a home theater. He's working on furnishing his new house. I can but bask in the reflected glory of his material wealth. He's picked up furniture, a house, a new sailboat, and soon a new home theater, all in the span of like a month. Singlehandedly, he is holding the local economy afloat. Can't wait to get out sailing on his boat again, just like those glory days in 98.

Dropped my bike off to get a longer stem put on it. Time to get serious about going fast on that thing. The longer stem should help. Metal bike parts are so beautiful.

Whipped out a short short story yesterday night. Finally read it again just now, and it needs some work. Still, it captures the cynical disappointment I was feeling at the time, and it's got a snappy title. Maybe I'll post it here after it's brushed up.
posted by Eugene Wei at 11:18 PM | link

I rode the South Lake Washington loop this morning. About 38 miles. I rode angry. It felt good.

posted by Eugene Wei at 3:42 PM | link

All that biking over the weekend tired me out. I don't think I slept last night; I think I was in hibernation. I dreamed about work all night, about this presentation I'm working on for Thursday.

Rob called tonight--howdy Rob! Hadn't chatted with that boy in a long time. We reminisced about the good ole days, when the NASDAQ was at 5000. Oh wait, no, it was the good old days when we were naive, clueless, occasionally intoxicated freshmen. We didn't know what the NASDAQ was back then.

It's doubtful encrypted e-mail will ever take off as long as people feel secure sending their mail the way they do and as long as PGP is such a pain in the butt to install and use. But you can sign up for a free Hushmail account and use their web interface to send encrypted e-mails to other folks who have Hushmail accounts. Not practical, but something about encryption has always appealed to me. So if you sign up for one and want to send me some private correspondence, I'm at eugenewei@hushmail.com. Or if you have PGP, let me know and we'll swap keys.

I mean really, if you want to know my darkest thoughts and opinions, you can't expect me to publish those unencrypted. Hell, the CIA could actually care what I think. They might be bugging my home right now, like they did to Tony Soprano.

Supposedly, Lance Armstrong and Marco Pantani have buried the hatchet. I think the world's more fun with bitter rivals.

If you're into investing and finance, and even if you're taking a hiatus from it in this challenging environment, you should read Warren Buffet's annual letter to shareholders. Among the great lines from this year's letter, which comes after a much improved performance versus the previous year:
"The line separating investment and speculation, which is never bright and clear, becomes blurred still further when most market participants have recently enjoyed triumphs. Nothing sedates rationality like large doses of effortless money."

"After a heady experience of that kind, normally sensible people drift into behavior akin to that of Cinderella at the ball," he wrote. "They know that overstaying the festivities -- that is, continuing to speculate in companies that have gigantic valuations relative to the cash they are likely to generate in the future -- will eventually bring on pumpkins and mice."

"But they nevertheless hate to miss a single minute of what is one helluva party," he added. "Therefore, the giddy participants all plan to leave just seconds before midnight. There's a problem, though: They are dancing in a room in which the clocks have no hands."

True. True.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:35 PM | link

The Sopranos is showing in widescreen on HBO this year. Hallelujah! Your next TV should be widescreen, trust me on this.

In today's episode of The Sopranos, Christopher becomes a made man. During the ceremony, he spots a crow on the basement window ledge. Soon thereafter, he realizes the responsibilities of being a made man can be heavy. I've been spotting crows everywhere recently. Watching the show, I felt strangely sympathetic to Christopher. Like my life is about to become a whole lot more complicated. Tony reads an oath to Christopher, telling him that the family of the mob takes precedence over his own family, his wife, kids, mother, father...it's like working for a startup!

The mob may be entertainment's most flexible metaphor for organizations.

I realized that my life is devoid of any meaningful rituals. Some families sit down for dinner. Some people go to church. I think I need to return to morning writing, or something.

In the Company of Men is on. Aaron Eckhart's character in that film is so evil...what a great film. I'm surprised at how many people dismiss that film and Seven, because of their storylines. I'm far more offended by bad films which rob me of $7.50 and two hours of my free time.

Stanford got a 1 seed in the West. You know, we still can't get any respect. I've read a few predictions already, and everyone's picking Maryland to come out of the West. They'll just have to out and prove themselves.

In the NYT magazine today, The Ethicist Randy Cohen revised a past reply of his and said it was okay to take your own food into movie theaters. I'm not vindicated for all those years of smuggling candy in sandwich bags into movie theaters! Mom, you were right--it's okay!

About a month ago, I had no idea what Cubism was, and now I'm running into it everywhere. If you're curious, ask me, and I'll share in my newfound knowledge. I don't think they taught that in my college art history class.
posted by Eugene Wei at 7:43 PM | link

Rode 48 miles today, swinging around the upper half of Lake Washington with Todd and Jesse. Still feel heavy going up hills, and my calves cramped up at the end of the ride. Still, feels good to experience pain and soreness in my legs. It's the kind of soreness that only a long ride can generate.

Stanford finished its season with a win over Arizona State and should get the #1 seed in the West region. If ever they were to win the national championship, this is the year to do it. It's hard to imagine them being any better or more balanced than they are this year.

Watched Pollock and Finding Forrester and felt creative. So I wrote for a while. Neither was a great film, but in their own ways, they got it right about the creative process.

After the charlatans, the clowns, the whores, and the weak, who is left? Bring me your brave.
posted by Eugene Wei at 2:07 AM | link

Just when you think you've got everything figured out, you don't. Big changes coming my way. But we all need to remember what it feels like to turn that corner, to face the stranger who awaits there, and to grapple with him. Time for me to grow up a little more.
posted by Eugene Wei at 11:35 PM | link

Cool project for work:

Pre-order Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Cast Away, Hannibal, The Grinch, Chocolat, or The Mexican on DVD today.

Yeah!
posted by Eugene Wei at 7:56 AM | link

Just came back from a basketball rec league playoff game. It was the first round, and we got knocked out. I'm so bitter right now it's driving me crazy. It can't be healthy to hate losing so much. It was a team we've beaten twice before, without much difficulty, but suddenly tonight they bring out all these ringers we've never even seen before. We were up for a long time, then they ran away at the end. Up by a lot at the end, they kept running up the score, which poured a little salt in the wound. This, on top of the general frustrations of work and life, lit me up. One of the opponents drew a foul for throwing an elbow into my neck and knocking me on my hip, and I started jawing at him. My hip is still sore right now, and I'm having a hard time ignoring it.

I need yoga, or something like that, to cool me off. Some way to channel this random energy, or to accept my fate with equanimity, without becoming a passive lunk.

You know, I should just give up on basketball. I don't think I'll ever be good enough so that it's anything but frustrating to play. Maybe one day when I'm old and mellow I can pick it up again for fun. I need to just do things for fun. Everything is a job to me these days.

My dad finished cleaning our home in Naperville and is going to put it on the market. Strange, to think of selling off the house where I spent so much of my life, where so many memories still fill the rooms, soaked into the walls and the carpet. Does a house ever forget? I feel old.

Scott's birthday was Monday. I'm taking him to a birthday dinner on Friday. Folks, wish the man a happy birthday. Somehow he manages to tackle life with a smile. An example to follow.

Mark and Marie might come up for Marie's spring break. Would be good to show them around Seattle a bit. Haven't had too many of the old crew swinging through town here.

Check out the website for the upcoming Baz L. film Moulin Rouge. Can't wait to see it. Among many things, the music should be great, with tracks by Beck, Fatboy Slim...

This news clip from IMDb news. It's one thing Russell Crowe and I have in common. I bet if I dig deeper, it would be just one of many. I got John's (Sun Tzu) wedding invitation today. Yikes!

Russell Crowe: I'm Not Ready For Marriage Yet

Russell Crowe refuses to get married - because he's not in the right frame of mind to settle down. Russell, who recently ended a romance with actress Meg Ryan, insists he's happier rushing from country to country than trying to start a family. He says, "I can't see myself putting on slippers and puffing on a pipe by the fireside just. I think it is safe to say that I am still very much a wanderer at heart. I've got my farm back in Australia but I'm probably at my happiest on the road. I'm rather a spontaneous creature. I like to be able to just grab a bag and run for the airport. That doesn't fit in with too many women's plans." He adds, "Marriage? I think I'd be a disaster."
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:16 PM | link

And, in the wake of Dick Cheney's surgery, I offer this haiku which I first found on the web (try Spam haiku archive) when I was in college:

Old man seeks doctor.
"I eat SPAM daily", he says.
Angioplasty.

Two others I like:

Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the hell is it?

Highly unnatural,
The tortured shape of this "food".
A small pink coffin.


posted by Eugene Wei at 11:26 PM | link

This from IMDb news today (no comment from yours truly):

Michelle Pfeiffer Is The Most Beautiful Woman In The World

Hollywood star Michelle Pfeiffer is officially the most beautiful woman in the world. Her facial features exactly match a complex 'beauty formula' drawn up by California plastic surgeon Dr. Stephen Marquardt. The doctor has worked out that the secret of true beauty is 1.618 - an equation which scientists have dubbed the PHI ratio. He's worked out the ideal width of a mouth is 1.618 times the width of the nose. And every human facial feature can be matched to the same ratio. Using these calculations the doctor has drawn up a 'perfect beauty' diagram and discovered that Michelle, 43, is the most beautiful. Dr Marquardt says, "Think about it. If you were looking at a picture of Michelle next to a picture of, say, Julia Roberts, which would you prefer? Just from their faces, you'd be most likely to be attracted to Michelle."
posted by Eugene Wei at 11:18 PM | link

Just came back from the gym. I can't move my arms, and my butt still hurts from the weekend of boarding.

What to do when you come home and some random person has left a message on my answering machine for someone else. It happens to me all the time, and people never leave a number to call back. I guess I should say my name in the answering machine greeting, but I always worry that solicitors will use it against me. And how come I keep receiving messages for new people? You'd think after a few of these, somehow folks would figure it out. I guess it's not quite as sad as misaddressed letters, which never reach their destination.There's a bad Hollywood movie in there, somewhere.
posted by Eugene Wei at 10:49 PM | link

Spent the weekend at Whistler with Betina, Joe, Christina, Pete, Margo, and a whole crew of German Amazonians. The weather was pretty nice, and I decided to try and do a few more jumps in the terrain park in the spirit of pushing myself to improve at risk to life and limb. I flailed through the half pipe and landed in a heap off several big ramps, but I managed to catch big air once while Pete and Bettina (there were two Betina's in the house, one with two T's) were watching. That makes my bruised rear end more tolerable now. I also cracked my cell phone when I smacked my chest into the icy bottom of the half pipe. It still works, fortunately.

I also lost a heated Scrabble match to Pete. It was fun to play. I haven't played since I was still living at home and in high school. Unfortunately, I didn't draw any of the power letters (Z, Q, X, or the blanks) so I couldn't get any big points. I want a rematch, Pete!

Review of the two hour season premiere of The Sopranos: the first hour was well choreographed, with a groovy mix of The Police's Every Breath You Take and that spy music ditty whose name eludes me, but the episode lacked emotional power. The second hour was a bit clumsy in timing and dialogue (they used computers to digitally splice in Livia (Nancy Marchand) but it looked fake and was completely unnecessary) but captured the awkward nature of funerals perfectly.

Tivo listened. I just saw a Tivo ad that showed customers talking about how easy to use and amazing the device is. Still, it's hard to communicate what that device is about in a 20 second spot. They need 30 minute infomercials.
posted by Eugene Wei at 1:30 AM | link